The birth of a child is one of the most joyful and challenging moments in any family's life. However, many couples face unexpected difficulties that can lead to conflict and even divorce. How can you avoid this and keep your relationship strong? Here, we explore key advice to help you strengthen your bond during this significant phase.
1. Prepare for Change in Advance
The arrival of a child inevitably brings dramatic changes to daily life. Try to discuss potential difficulties beforehand—lack of sleep, fatigue, financial pressures. The more prepared you are, the easier it will be to handle these changes. This reduces stress and helps prevent conflicts.
Family therapist John Gottman, author of "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work", suggests that discussing major life changes in advance helps reduce stress. He advises couples to talk about child-rearing, the division of household tasks, and potential challenges before the baby arrives. This creates realistic expectations and reduces tension.
Gottman states: "Marriage requires constant effort, especially after the birth of a child when parenting becomes a central role. Couples who prioritize maintaining emotional connection tend to navigate this transitional period more successfully" (Gottman, J., Silver, N. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work).
2. Share Responsibilities Fairly
An uneven distribution of responsibilities can be a significant cause of disagreements. If one partner feels they are carrying more of the load, resentment can build. Ensure you divide tasks fairly and maintain open communication about your needs.
In their book "Parenting Timeout", psychologists Laura Markham and Esther Perel emphasize the importance of partnership in parenting. They argue that uneven distribution of childcare or household duties often leads to emotional burnout and resentment, which can fuel conflict.
"When one parent shoulders the majority of the work, it inevitably leads to feelings of unfairness and bitterness. Both partners need support and rest" (Markham, L. Parenting Timeout).
3. Don’t Forget Your Relationship
It’s easy to focus all your attention on the new baby, but your relationship with your partner also needs attention. Make time for each other, even if it’s just a short walk or a quiet conversation over coffee. Keeping your connection alive is crucial.
Psychologist Sue Johnson, author of "Hold Me Tight", encourages couples to find time for romance and connection despite the demands of parenting.
"No matter how much you love your child, your relationship with your partner still needs care and attention. Even simple conversations about your day can strengthen your bond" (Johnson, S. Hold Me Tight).
4. Communicate Openly
Open and honest communication is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Psychologist Gary Chapman, author of "The Five Love Languages", emphasizes the importance of expressing your feelings, especially during challenging periods.
"Many couples struggle because they don't communicate effectively. They keep their emotions inside, which leads to resentment. To keep a marriage strong, it's vital to express your feelings in a way your partner can understand" (Chapman, G. The Five Love Languages).
5. Support Each Other
Support is crucial during difficult times. Anthropologist Helen Fisher, in her book "Why We Love", explains that successful marriages are built on mutual support and respect.
"When couples face challenges, such as having a baby, it's important to support each other emotionally. This helps reduce stress and maintain emotional closeness" (Fisher, H. Why We Love).
6. Set Realistic Expectations
Many new parents expect their lives to remain largely unchanged after the birth of their baby. However, psychotherapist Esther Perel emphasizes the importance of recognizing that family life will change—and that's okay.
"Couples often believe they can manage parenting without major changes to their relationship, but that’s unrealistic. Acceptance and adaptability are essential to maintaining a successful marriage" (Perel, E. Mating in Captivity).
7. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
In her book "Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?", psychologist Julie Smith stresses the importance of recognizing your limits and asking for help when needed. Whether it's help from family, friends, or professionals, seeking assistance can relieve pressure and provide valuable support.
"New parents often hesitate to ask for help because they feel they should manage everything on their own. But in reality, everyone needs support, especially at such a crucial time" (Smith, J. Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?).
8. Spend Time with Your Baby Together
Joint activities with your child, such as walks, playing, or bathing, not only strengthen the bond with the baby but also help you stay connected as partners. Even small gestures, like sharing responsibilities, can foster teamwork and emotional closeness.
9. Take Care of Yourself
Psychologist Madeline Levine, in her book "The Price of Privilege", points out that it’s important to maintain personal interests and hobbies to balance family life and individual needs. Personal fulfillment helps avoid emotional burnout and supports healthier relationships.
10. Seek Professional Help if Necessary
If you find it difficult to cope with the challenges of parenthood on your own, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. As John Gottman writes in "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work", early intervention from a family therapist can prevent serious conflicts and help keep the family together.
Conclusion
The birth of a child is a joyful but challenging experience that can test relationships. By applying advice from psychologists and family experts, you can maintain harmony in your marriage and overcome this critical period together. The key is to support each other, find time for communication, and seek help when necessary.
References:
- Gottman, J., Silver, N. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
- Chapman, G. The Five Love Languages.
- Johnson, S. Hold Me Tight.
- Markham, L., Perel, E. Parenting Timeout.
- Fisher, H. Why We Love.
- Perel, E. Mating in Captivity.
- Smith, J. Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?.
- Levine, M. The Price of Privilege.