When a man engages in an extramarital affair, his mistress might hope that he will eventually leave his wife and start a new life with her. However, this is often not the case. There are specific signs that indicate a man has no intention of leaving his family for his mistress:
- Emotional Attachment to the Family Psychologist John Gottman states, "Men often stay in a marriage due to strong emotional attachment to their wife and children, even if their relationship with the mistress is more intense." A man may feel guilty and responsible for his family, which keeps him in the marriage.
- Lack of Concrete Actions If a man has been promising to leave his wife for years but hasn't taken any real steps, it's a clear sign he doesn't intend to change his life. Psychologist Mira Kirshenbaum asserts, "Actions speak louder than words. If a man isn't moving out, filing for divorce, or discussing asset division with his wife, he doesn't plan to leave."
- Maintaining Two Lives Some men successfully maintain parallel lives without sacrificing either. They may use various excuses to keep both sides: "I'm doing it for the kids" or "My wife can't manage without me." Noted psychologist Esther Perel believes such men often fear losing stability and their accustomed way of life.
- Financial Dependence Financial obligations and fear of monetary loss can keep a man in a marriage. The costs of alimony, property division, and a potential decrease in living standards can be significant barriers. Family psychology expert Robert Weiss emphasizes, "Financial fears and obligations play a significant role in decisions about divorce."
Examples from the Lives of Famous People
The life of Bill and Hillary Clinton is a striking example. Despite public scandals and infidelities, Bill Clinton never left his wife. Their union, supported not only by personal but also political motives, remains strong to this day.
Another example is Arnold Schwarzenegger, who, after the revelation of his extramarital child, remained married to Maria Shriver for several more years before they ultimately divorced. Here, the influence of both family and societal factors is evident.
Conclusion
When a man doesn't leave his wife for his mistress, there are numerous reasons for this. Emotional attachment to the family, lack of concrete actions, maintaining two lives, and financial dependence are all important signs to consider. Understanding these aspects helps in assessing the situation more realistically and making the right decisions.
References
- Gottman, John. "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." Harmony Books, 1999.
- Kirshenbaum, Mira. "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay." Plume, 1997.
- Perel, Esther. "The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity." Harper, 2017.
- Weiss, Robert. "Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency." Health Communications, Inc., 2018.
These sources provide in-depth analysis and recommendations that help better understand the complex relationships between spouses and mistresses.